Caviar & Closets
On evolving style, friendship, and getting unstuck (caviar not required, but highly recommended!)
There’s never really been a time when style and clothing wasn’t important to me. Some of my earliest memories revolve around putting outfits together, shopping with my mom, resourcefully creating “looks for less,” and saving up for items like the Izod shirts and Levis cords that were popular with my 8th grade cohort in 1982. How sweet it felt to walk into Jordan Marsh in the Hollywood Fashion Center, march into the boys’ department (where said items resided) and pull out the money I’d saved up to procure these things I had obsessed about for months.
My first “alligator” shirt was beige, and I loved it, especially when I felt bold enough to pop the collar and own my cool. And when my oldest brother bought me a pair of Sasson Jeans, he quickly rose to favorite-sibling status. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I opened up that package on a Christmas morning, but there they were, crisp, dark blue jeans I went on to wear again and again; jeans that made me feel confident, like I belonged in any teenage room I walked into.
That’s the thing about clothes. What we wear is a powerful form of communication— when we enter a space, our sartorial choices often speak before we do. That popped collar telegraphed a certain “in the know-ness” that fed my confidence. And there’s some pretty interesting science that backs the idea that clothes can change our mood, the way we see ourselves, the way we show up in the world, and the way the world perceives us— it’s powerful stuff.
I think I’ve always understood this intuitively, and when I look back at pictures, I can almost always remember how I felt in what I was wearing: the black blazer and cream shorts I wore throughout a summer semester in Rome (sophisticated), the black wool Theory pants suit I bought for a new job in the late 90s (powerful), the suede miniskirt and boho tunic I wore on the first date with my husband (sexy), and the cream colored Tory Burch pants suit I wore for our post-wedding dinner party (polished and content).
Which is why the past months have felt so disorienting, stylistically speaking.
Lately, I’ve been struggling to put together outfits in a way that once came naturally. Some days, I feel like I’ve lost my closet creativity entirely, and with it, that sense of ease and confidence I used to rely on. Part of this may be practical— I’ve been deeply immersed in my Midlife Private Parts book launch and subsequent tour, stretching my creative energy in new directions. But there’s something else too— it feels like my style is evolving, and I’m not entirely sure where it’s going.
It’s all led to a kind of closet confusion.
And it’s pretty ironic in light of the fact that I’ve long been someone friends come to for style advice, or the one strangers approach in fitting rooms for an opinion. I devoured fashion magazines, once considered a career in the industry, and even toyed with the idea of building a styling vertical into my legal recruiting business, but ultimately worried it might undermine my credibility (wrongheaded, and an essay for another day).
I finally had to admit that I needed some help, and lucky for me, I have some incredibly stylish friends, including brilliant fashion Substacker Hey Mrs. Solomon on Style, her market editor and former Ralph Lauren designer, Wendy Duffy, and one of the most creative women I know, Christian Botefuhr, who also has some serious fashion bona fides. This amazing group was more than happy to step in and help me see my closet through their eyes when I stopped being able to see it through my own. Even luckier, they brought caviar (Caviar & Closets™ ??), and even if we hadn’t made a single outfit, the night would still have been a delicious success.
But we did make outfits while we laughed and danced, the contents of my closet coming into sharper focus with every piece pulled, every new combination conceived. The long white button down I hadn’t worn for years paired with the cropped reworked men’s blazer I struggled to style; the wide-leg rust-colored track pants that I never thought to mix with an oversized teal blazer I was on the fence about keeping. These were all pieces I had stopped seeing, reimagined by people in my life who actually see me.
The fresh eyes they brought with them that night went far beyond helping me see my closet differently. They helped me see myself differently, nudging me out of my comfort zone and away from rote habits and default choices. And it got me thinking about how we sometimes lose sight of ourselves in a broader context— all that we are, our capabilities, our accomplishments, etc. We’re so close to our own lives that sometimes, we swim in a kind of familiarity that can breed internal discontent.
Sometimes we just need someone else to hold something up (clothing, a metaphorical mirror) and ask: why aren’t you wearing this? Why aren’t you trying this? Why aren’t you seeing yourself the way the rest of the world sees you? If you don’t have those people in your life, go find them. And trust me, you can create community at any age— the women in my closet that night were all friends who’ve come together in midlife.
That special night brought some real clarity, and while my ongoing style evolution continues, it’s feeling less like a disconnect, and more like an ongoing conversation I’m having with myself, and the woman I’m still becoming. Some days, that conversation flows effortlessly, and other days it stalls, full of pauses and uncomfortable silences. It’s all part of the process, and it’s brought me back to something I’ve always believed: that fashion, at its best, is really a form of hope.
If you’ve been feeling stuck, in your wardrobe or anywhere else in your life, might I suggest a night with your people, in or out of the closet. Bring your curiosity and open mind, and don’t forget the snacks!
You might be surprised by what you already have…
Upcoming Events:
On May 13th I’ll be moderating a panel in Westport, CT at Hot Takes: Truth Over Trends in Women’s Wellness. I’m really excited about this one because even as someone who’s spends a lot of time in this space, I still find it challenging to cut through all of the noise out there. And that’s exactly what we’ll be doing with experts Dr. Shieva Ghofrany, Dr. Rachel Pojednic, Dr. Katie Takayasu, and others as we discuss hormonal shifts and HRT, metabolic health, GLP1s and the peptide craze, sleep, nutrition, and mental health. Would love to see you there!
Thanks so much for reading and for spending a bit of your precious time with me! If you enjoyed, please hit the ♥️ to help others find us, and please share with anyone you think might like! Wishing you a weekend full of whatever makes you feel alive… Dina xx
PS- Caviar came from this DTC company- it was amazing and prices are far less than retail if you decide to have your own Caviar & Closets night!
What a gift to yourself!💕
The perfect way to explore your closet!