Let it Burn
Letting go of the emotional gunk, ritual fire ceremony optional...
A funny thing happened last week. An unintentional theme emerged, starting with what I imagined would be just a simple, unemotional administrative task, and ending with my standing on a beach at sunset chanting “Swaha!” at a ritual fire ceremony. Yup, I try to keep things interesting around here!
The administrative task was, in fact, simple, technically speaking. Essentially, I was dissolving an LLC, the legal recruiting company that I originally co-founded in 2005 and later reincorporated on my own. It’s the place I spent a big chunk of my career, but had essentially moved on from when I founded Patina in 2020 save for some referral work and occasional career counseling. Leading up to the pivot I spent a lot of time thinking about the transition, the change in professional identity, and all of the things that come with a major life shift, but I hadn’t given it much thought since. Except when I had to pay the out-of-state registered agent to file my annual report and renewal fees, it was barely on my radar at this point.
Which is why I was so caught off-guard by the way clicking dissolve and terminate made me feel. It was a strange, end-of-an-era kind of feeling, even though the era had more or less long since ended. Truthfully, I’m not even sure why I kept the thing active as long as I did. Perhaps initially on some subconscious level, it provided padding, like the kind an athlete wears, as I tripped, sputtered, and fell out of my comfort zone- the one I cozily occupied for years. After that, plain old, garden variety inertia? Maybe. But as the years flashed before my eyes, I had another thought. Maybe I was finally getting comfortable enough to own this new midlife professional identity. Finally ready to cut the last remaining thread to my former professional life.
It took me a very long time to say “writer” when people asked me what I did post-pivot. And I think the reason for that is tangled up in a whole lot of psychology and the weight of a societal narrative that equates career success with money and recognition- in this case, bylines, books, writing awards and the like. Even when you know better, years of absorbing that kind of cultural messaging, along with the very real ageism that permeates, can saturate thinking. For a long time after my professional shift, I didn’t feel like a real writer without those things (despite having a freelance gig and other meaningful projects), and found it hard to say out loud. Kind of like when the Fonz tried to say the word “wrong,” a reference my Gen X sisters will get! I’m a wr wr writer…
Closing that LLC, letting it go, ultimately felt symbolic in a way I did not expect. Like the final step in this phase of my midlife reinvention, the one that means I now FULLY occupy this (not so) new space, with no tether to my former professional identity. And while I haven’t written books or won any awards (yet!), letting go made space for a long-overdue acknowledgment that I’ve accomplished a lot in these 4.5 years, and that I am, in fact, a writer, ready to fully embody the title and say it (at least a bit more comfortably) out loud.
Post-dissolution I moved through the week feeling somehow lighter, free of a little bit of the excess baggage I had been carrying. Baggage that held emotional implications I had failed to see. Later that week, I found myself throwing more proverbial bags into a fire, because I’m nothing if not a little woo woo! I also chanted, just for good measure.
I hadn’t planned a week of metaphysical space-making- it just kind of happened that way. Over the weekend, I found myself at a community bonfire, what I thought was going to be a potluck beach dinner, catching up with friends I hadn’t seen in a long while. I didn’t realize that my friend/organizer had also planned a sunset fire ceremony, an ancient ritual practiced across cultures and religions to foster healing and renewal. Fire is deeply symbolic of transformation and regeneration, and in these ceremonies participants write down and release thoughts, emotions, memories, energies, etc.- things that no longer serve- by literally burning them away, making space for the new.
In somewhat dramatic fashion (definitely more dramatic than the keystroke it took to let go of my LLC), I wrote down something I wanted to release, and when it was my turn, I walked up to the fire and tossed it in, watching it burn, the smoke carrying it away. I threw my arms in the air and chanted “Swaha!,” which translates in Hindu to “I offer” and in Tibetan to “so be it.” I felt immense gratitude in that moment. Gratitude for the opportunity to participate, for the glowing sunset, and for the warmth, not only from the fire, but from the community surrounding it. With drums beating, symbolic of heart and breath, we were all connected by the rhythm and energy of the sound. All collectively healing, all surrendering ego and allowing ourselves to be present and alive in a moment.
I didn’t overthink what I wrote down on that paper. It just spilled out of my brain and guided my pen, like it had been dying to get out and finally found the escape hatch. It’s so interesting how we can carry these things/thoughts around, these bits of emotional gunk that build up and clog us, impacting our ability to move fully and freely forward.
Do you need a fire to burn off that sh*t off? Is there any magic to tossing it in and watching it go up in flames? Well, no, and not necessarily. Although it’s a lot of fun, and while I love me some potent symbolism, I don’t think you need to rub sticks together and chant loudly to find release and renewal. As I see it the real magic lies in the power of intention, the focus, and in the desire to grow and continue to become. We are our thoughts, regardless of the veracity of the truths we tell ourselves. As Henry Ford once said, “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.”
I not much for themes when it comes to certain things, like parties (Roaring 20’s!, Masquerade!), but last week’s theme is one I can get behind. Letting go of the things that encumber us, both physically (perhaps a post on closet purging is in order) and emotionally is essential to allowing us to realize our fullness, and to discover all that can be. Holding tight to the things that no longer work for us drains precious, finite energy; loosening the grip and releasing allows us to reallocate it, and spend it in new ways that serve who we are today.
The start of a new season (summer, the best one!) is a perfect time to reflect as life moves us forward; a perfect time to take those can’ts or whatever other limiting thoughts or feelings are standing in your way, build yourself a fire, real or metaphorical, and let it burn…
As always, I am so grateful you are here- your time is precious and it means the world to me that you take some of it to read this newsletter. If you enjoyed this post, please hit the ❤️ or leave a comment below- I love hearing from you! And if you know someone who would appreciate, please share. Have a wonderful weekend, and happy summer! Dina xx
What a great way to start summer. Letting go, starting fresh and releasing the old (and even better that you didn't overthink it and let your pen guide you!!!!) There’s a lot of good, new stuff coming your way. I can feel it.
I was so moved and inspired by this. Often times I view let go as something that hurts. This gave me a different perspective. 😘