On Growth, Connection and Finding the Light
Growth spurts are not just for kids + connection is life
Hello dear readers!
I wanted to check in before year end to wish you the happiest of holidays and to thank you for all of the support around Midlife Private Parts. What a year it’s been!
At 57 years old, 2025 has been one of the most expansive, gratifying years of my life- growth spurts are not just for kids! I love sharing this because it embodies so much of the spirit of the book: it’s never too late, you’re not too old, you don’t have to have all of the answers to start something new, to shift gears, realign, find renewed purpose, etc. I’m living, breathing proof, as is my coeditor Dina Alvarez, along with all of the wise and wonderful women who contributed to the book.
I’m writing from sunny Miami where I’ve just landed this week, not a moment too soon. Leading up to leaving NYC for the season I was in bed with a wicked virus for what felt like FOREVER. I started to feel not-so-great on December 3rd at our last book event of the year. Getting there required travel to North Carolina and a very early wake-up call, so I assumed I was just exhausted, until about an hour before a scheduled dinner with some of the attendees, when I lost my voice.
I somehow managed to get through our fireside chat, mouth essentially affixed to the microphone, but in spite of the challenge, it was an awesome event in yet another room filled with engaged, curious women who reminded me why this book is so important.
I arrived home the next day feeling like I had been hit by a (very large) truck.
Being sick like that — the kind of sick that keeps you inside and in bed for days — can really mess with your head. I was already feeling a bit melancholy as the book tour was coming to an end for the year, and on top of that I had to cancel a week of plans I was really looking forward to. Lying there isolated, with a system that had fully short-circuited put me in a bit of a dark place. The viral accoutrements — fever, bloody nose, rash, and the icing on the cake, pink eye in both eyes — did not help.
I tried hard not to spiral, sometimes successfully, other times not so much. I vowed never, ever to take my health for granted again, and I danced in my underwear on the first day I felt almost human again.
All of this happened at the same time a cherished friend began cancer treatment, and I felt ridiculous wallowing when she, and so many others in this world, are fighting for their lives. But then I thought about the countless times I’ve counseled others not to diminish their pain because someone else may be facing something more difficult. It’s bad enough to be dismissed; we need to take care not to dismiss ourselves, or to shame ourselves for feeling what we feel. Being sidelined and unable to function is hard, and feeling miserable is, well, miserable, no matter the degree.
Sometimes we are too weary, for whatever reason to seek light. We all wallow from time to time. It’s not a moral failing. But when we lose sight of where to find the bright spots, that’s when things tend to go awry. These weeks clarified for me that light can always, will always be found in connection. I see it almost literally now- like plugging into a power source and watching yourself fire up and ping and come back to life.
When I landed in Miami, still nursing my eyes, I went straight to dinner with friends. I wasn’t sure I would have the energy, but I found myself fully charged afterward. Connection, it turns out, is some seriously effective medicine.
I didn’t fully understand how vital connection was to thriving when I was younger. I was too busy striving and surviving to give it much thought. There it was all along in Psychology 101, Maslow’s Hierarchy, with love and belonging right in the middle of the pyramid, but like so much else in life, sometimes you just have to get there in your own time. Understanding the essential-ness of connecting with others and of nurturing life-affirming links has been one of the great gifts of getting older.
I also didn’t know when Midlife Private Parts was just a germ of an idea how much of a conduit for connection it would be- to myself, to all of our collaborators, and to the many women we’ve met along the way and out on tour. Even to the many readers we’ve never met, but who have been kind enough to share with us how the book has impacted them.
We set out to help women feel seen, heard, and understood at a time that can feel fraught, and to show them what was possible for their lives in a world where media and popular culture speak not to growth and possibility, but to crisis and decline. More broadly, we hoped to be a part of changing a deeply ingrained, outdated narrative, and to normalize conversations around topics that impact us profoundly but are still too rarely talked about openly. After a more that a dozen events and six months of interacting with readers, we found that women were eager to dive into these conversations, and to simply be together in community. It’s been a joy to connect around the country, to share experiences, and to find the light, together.
The world may feel very heavy right now, and that, coupled with the year-end scramble, can be depleting. But as 2025 comes to a close, my hope is that you are able to access your power sources and plug into the people, practices, and communities that restore and sustain you. Know that there is always light to be found, and let that light guide you into a bold, brave, purposeful, and beautiful new year…
From the bottom of my heart, thank you for being here! With some bandwidth freed up, I’ve been thinking about this space and how to move it forward, and I love to hear your thoughts. Let me know if there’s anything you’d like me to cover, see more of, etc. We've got more book events coming in 2026, including book clubs where we and some of our contributors are dropping in virtually. Let me know if you’d be interested in hosting one- they’re a lot of fun, and there’s so much to talk about!
BTW if you're looking for a last minute gift, Midlife Private Parts is on sale at Amazon now! And might I also suggest a new book from my friend (and Midlife Private Parts contributor) Christine Morrison that would also make a fantastic gift for all of your stylish people: ClothesMinded: Fashionable Essays About Finding Yourself.
Happiest of holidays to you, friends…
Dina xx
So sorry you were under the weather for so long...what a bummer! But thank you for writing this piece and for putting together Midlife Private Parts! I hope you guys do another edition down the road. I'd love to read more (and contribute to this wonderful community). Happy Holidays, Dina :)
thank you for everything you did to bring MPP out into the world. honored to have been part of it❤️