Politics Aside

Plus, links to LA relief orgs and mood salad links to distract and maybe even delight

It is rare that I ever turn on the television during the day, but this week, with my husband home sick (along with the rest of NYC), and with the absolutely devastating news coverage from LA, I logged a different kind of screen time. It was hard to turn it off. My heart is breaking for all of those who have been so profoundly impacted by the mass destruction, entire communities wiped out. The magnitude of it all is truly inconceivable.

So while my husband recovered from the non-Covid but very Covid-like virus that took him out (another rare occurrence), the TV was on when the funeral of President Carter began yesterday. Maybe I didn’t know I needed this, but seeing the 5 living presidents and other major political figures in one place, all coming together to honor a good and decent man, minus the tweeting (or xing or whatever we are calling it these days), the talking heads, the political posturing and the vitriol, was a show of civility that just felt good to see. A momentary antidote to the less-than-civil discourse that permeates our culture.

I got up from my desk to watch as President Gerald Ford’s son read aloud the eulogy that Carter had asked his father, a dear friend and one-time political rival, to write. Already emotional, I was moved to tears, first by the idea of a son fulfilling a promise he made to his father, but more, by hearing the heartfelt words, thinking about a different time.

“By fate of a brief season, Jimmy Carter and I were rivals. But for the many wonderful years that followed, friendship bonded us… According to a map, it’s a long way between Grand Rapids, Michigan, and Plains, Georgia. But distances have a way of vanishing when measured in values, rather in miles. And it was because of our shared values that Jimmy and I respected each other as adversaries, even before we cherished each other as dear friends.”

It reminded me of other famous friendships between people on opposite sides of the political spectrum, like Justices Ruth Bader Ginsberg (whom Carter nominated to the federal judiciary) and Antonin Scalia, President Clinton and President Bush, and President Reagan and Tip O'Neil, to name a few. It also reminded me that when we are driven by heart rather than ego, we’re much better primed for genuine connection.

Obviously, it’s a much different world than the one we inhabited during the Carter administration. Cable news didn’t enter the fray until 1980, when CNN debuted, we were still more than a decade away from the dawn of the internet, and further still from the iPhone, social media, the mighty algorithm, and AI. Someday, I’d love to take a much deeper, data-driven dive into how those things, things that are now inextricably woven into the fabric of our lives, have changed us. Not in terms of how they have changed the way that we live and work- the access, convenience, speed, etc.- but how they have changed us; how they’ve changed our wiring. Social scientists like Jonathan Haidt have done some brilliant work in this area as it relates to social media, big tech and kids. But what about us Millennials, Gen Xers and Boomers?

Are we less patient now? Are we smarter? Not as smart? Less able to think critically? Have our attention spans been forever altered? Have we become more self-obsessed? Have internet silos made us less capable of empathy? Has the anonymity of the internet dehumanized us? Has the ability to connect online strengthened our social skills and the quality of our relationships, or has it eroded them? Do current cultural incentives, i.e., likes and comments, turn us into people who perform life rather than live it?

Umm, no thank you, but this AI helper raises yet another question for the list- has tech made us less creative?

I have a lot of thoughts about this, particularly as a midlife woman who grew up in the age of analogue- 8-tracks and mix tapes, microfisch, corded telephones, remote-less TVs, etc. And as much as technology has improved our lives, I think we’ve lost something in the trade. But I am ever hopeful, especially as I watch coverage of the horrible tragedy unfolding in LA, that people are fundamentally good. I’m seeing people open their homes, marshaling resources and coming together to help each other. I’m seeing light in darkness. In that spirit, I’m sharing a list of organizations that you can donate to if you feel helpless (like me) and want to do something. Anything.

I still believe that kindness and decency abound, but it can feel hard to come by when we spend time doomscrolling or overloading our feeds with content that stokes and encourages us to feel fear, grievance and anger (and not the productive kind). What we seek we shall find, which for me is a great guiding principle when I feel myself going down a road to nowhere. Nowhere good, anyway. I once had a yoga teacher that spoke of Prana, or life force energy. She ended each class by saying “where the head goes, energy flows.” So much truth in one little statement.

In one of his closing posthumous lines, Ford said that “Carter’s legacy of peace and compassion will remain as unique as it is timeless.” A timeless and impactful legacy indeed, politics aside.

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Mood Salad Links

• Was there a bright spot this week, you ask? Well, the NYT had finally gotten the memo that middle age is sexy now. via NYT gift link

• Speaking of sexy midlifers, Brooke Shields and Naomi Watts both have books coming out this month, Brooke Shields Is Not Allowed To Get Old, and Dare I Say It. Adding to my TBR piles…

• And speaking of Brooke Shields, loved this article and her unfiltered perspective on aging. via Real Simple

• ICYMI, women over 50 were the main characters of the 2025 Golden Globes. via Vogue.com

• Coming soon: I’ve been looking forward to seeing Ramona at Midlife since I first read about it last year. Brava to

  Brooke Berman
  for getting it made and for telling stories that challenge cultural narratives about women over 40! Launching 2/11, preorder here to stream on Apple TV. via Boss Magazine

• Do you consider the words “old lady” to be derogatory? I don’t, and neither does one of my favorite writers here,

  Valerie Monroe
  . Loved this piece, and her assertion that “what’s ageist is considering the word ‘old’ the worst kind of insult.” I say if we’re lucky, we’ll all be old ladies one day… via Allure.com

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Thanks so much for being here- I’m excited to start 2025 together! To my LA readers and to all impacted by the horrific tragedy, my heart is with you- it’s rare that I don’t have words, but in this case, I truly don’t. I’m just so sorry for all you are going through, and sending love and prayers your way.

Dina xx