Sunday Sage: A Q&A with NYC Fashion Industry Veteran Gwen Miller-Aceto
On style, its deep roots and transformative power, and the magic of a closet cleanse.
I have been a lover of fashion and style all of my life, and can still remember particular outfits and how I felt wearing them as far back as early childhood. Some my mom sewed for me, and others we shopped for together until I was old enough to go to the mall with friends and shop on my own. [Side note: my tween/teen mall budget was usually around $10-$20, and to this day I credit my enduring resourcefulness to piecing together looks with that limited wallet]. When I look back I can actually see the foundations of my minimalist sensibility forming in those early years.
But even with the memories and feelings attached, as a young professional woman who wanted to be taken seriously, I used to think that my pursuit of it all was somewhat frivolous. I would spend hours on the weekend meticulously putting together outfits for the work week, and would head straight to the Style section in the Sunday New York Times (how I miss On The Street with Bill Cunningham!) before catching up on the important news of the day. My home was always piled high with fashion magazines, which I hungrily consumed as soon as they hit the mailbox.
Somewhere along the way, however, I realized that the attention and energy I put in was not at all frivolous; that in many ways it was much deeper than I had understood.
I’ve come to see our style and sartorial choices as a form of language; a way to communicate who we are to the outside world. What we wear can have a tremendous impact on how we see ourselves, how others see us, and how we move through time and space. I love exploring these themes, and a couple of years ago I had the pleasure of going deep with Gwen Miller-Aceto, A New York City-based womenswear design consultant and fashion curator whose impressive resume spans over 20 years in the industry, including lead design positions at major brands like Ralph Lauren and the Gap as well as several private label companies. Gwen currently runs her own successful fashion design and curation consultancy, GEMA Mode, and utilizes her industry knowledge and sophisticated eye to help clients define their style and thoughtfully edit their closets. Believing that more is not necessarily more, Gwen helps her clients see their post-edit wardrobe through a new lens, and shows them how to purposely add pieces as well as use what they already have to create looks that are relevant and timeless. Gwen’s holistic approach is deeply personal, and she understands in a very meaningful way that style is about so much more than the clothes we wear.
I loved our conversation and the Q&A we did for the original blog, so I reconnected with Gwen to revisit and continue the conversation. I just loved chatting with her about all things style, and how it can be a truly transformative force. We went deep on the psychology of it all, and I’m excited to share our conversation!
When we first chatted we were getting ready for a new year (2022- where does the time go?!). In the spirit of fresh starts, we talked about your philosophy around how we can all make positive changes in our lives, starting with our closets. Tell us about that, and why you think the closet is a good place to begin.
I find that one of the best ways to make a positive change in your life is to start by getting rid of the things that don’t serve you so you can see more clearly the things that do. The energetics around this are powerful, and these kinds of exercises help to create more space for newness in your life. This can obviously be applied to your closet, but I’m also referring to mindset. Part of my philosophy is accepting yourself for where you are today, which can be a very tough concept to embrace. It is so deeply ingrained in us to strive for perfection, which we consciously know is impossible, but many of us still operate with that as the goal. The reason I think the closet is a good place to start is that we utilize it every single day, and the impact of our choices- what we put on- can have a huge impact on how we feel. It also impacts, fairly or not, the way the outside world perceives us. So when we can start to literally see more clearly through an edit, we can cut through the noise and start to focus more on how we want to feel when we get dressed, and we can be more intentional about our choices. And I think that can lead to kinder self-talk and a more positive inner monologue. I tell my clients that the way they talk to themselves should be the same way they would talk to their best friend, daughter, younger self, etc.
I was fascinated by your thoughts about how clothes can be a very triggering topic for many of us. I think understanding why something makes us feel/react is so important to our growth. I was teased for my big feet when I was young (I’m still waiting to grow into them!), and I still find it difficult to wear shoes that call excess attention to my feet. Can you elaborate on the topic?
Absolutely! From a very young age, clothes are one of the first ways we start to perceive the world around us. We attach so many feelings of worth, popularity, status, wealth, etc. to clothing and have a very black and white understanding when we are children. Not having a certain item that all the other kids have; being teased for wearing something different; these things can really affect us and impact our self esteem in a way that imprints.
Some women used to play in their mom’s closets, had shopping trips with their aunts, made their own clothes, wore a school uniform…and the list goes on of all the memories and events surrounding clothing, image and the way it can make us feel. If one had a more negative experience, it can follow into adulthood in subtle and not so subtle ways. A very personal story as an example occurred when I was six. It was a Friday morning and laundry wasn’t going to be done until the weekend. As I was getting dressed for school, I realized I didn’t have any clean underwear. My mom (who is very chic) said “wear your black dance leotard.” Although Andre Courreges was credited with creating the bodysuit in the 60s, my mom introduced it into girls’ wear in the 80s which I did NOT appreciate at the time. I hoped no one would notice, but of course, some of the kids did. I couldn’t identify the emotion then, but I now recognize it was shame. Fast forward to six years ago, I had emergency surgery followed by a week-long hospital stay. My dear friend went back to my apartment to get some of my belongings, clothes, and underwear. When she returned to the hospital, the first thing she said to me was, “Oh my god, Gwen! You have so much underwear!” I had never realized that based on that childhood experience, I was making sure I would never run out. Since then, I have purged SOME of that drawer….but hey, Rome wasn’t built in a day. Sometimes the reasons for our clothing idiosyncrasies are much simpler than that, but whatever the reason, shame, overwhelm, etc., sometimes getting dressed just stops being fun for some of us. And that’s where I come in- my mission is to make fun!
As a woman in midlife, I have definitely experienced some changes in my body and weight distribution (as in I now have a pouch), and I know a lot of my contemporaries can relate to this issue. Many of us shape-shift as we go through peri/menopause, particularly in our midsections. What advice can you give to women experiencing these changes from a style perspective?
This is so common! First of all, I’m going to reference my philosophy of accepting yourself where you are today. I think most of us can relate to looking at a photo of ourselves when we were younger and thinking “I looked so good then! Why did I think I was too this, not enough that, etc.?” We seem to never appreciate what we have while we have it so let’s change that and work to accept ourselves as we are. This is not always easy to do, but when you think about all of the amazing things your body has done and can do for you, you can start to change the frame to gratitude which goes a long way toward acceptance.
Next, you need clothes in your closet that you love and that fit. Someone very close to me had gained weight in her early 50s. We were standing in front of her closet and she said, “Ugh, nothing fits me anymore.” I replied, “Time to go shopping and get a couple outfits that do fit that you can be excited about.” She said, “I want to lose weight though and don’t want to spend the money on clothes at this size.” I replied , “So you are going to start off everyday looking at this closet and silently punishing yourself for gaining weight?” Nope, no time for that.
The truth is the majority of clothing brands use a fit model when fitting garments for production, and no two fit models are alike. You may be a size 8 in one brand and a size 12 in another because designer labels usually use a smaller fit model versus the big box stores. Moral of the story - don’t let the size on the label dictate. It’s more about taking into consideration the proportion and how you want it to fit and feel. For example, one woman may love a boxy, oversized look for herself and size up versus a woman who wants a more fitted silhouette and will either wear her usual size or size down if the style is a more generous in fit. I have clothes that range from XS-XL because of variations in brand fit as well as how I want them to look on me.
Finally, highlight your assets. Great legs, cleavage, hourglass shape- show it off if that feels good to you! Re: the pouch - the instinct is to hide it by wearing a long shirt which often only enhances it. I like an easy styling trick where you lightly tuck in just the center front hem of your shirt. You can find lots of hacks and suggestions out there by following some of the many style influencers who are creating exactly this kind of content. And if budget allows, I recommend treating yourself to a stylist/image consultant who can help you hone your style and find the most flattering looks for you.
As you see it, should age factor in when it comes to style and making fashion choices?
Personally, I think age is a moot point. When you know what works best for you and understand the fundamentals as to why an outfit makes you look and feel great, you ultimately make choices that honor that. And as we age, we know ourselves better, so it can truly work to our advantage here (and in many areas of our lives!). In my opinion, the only thing that becomes more important as you age is the quality of the clothes and accessories...as I like to say, “It’s about quality, not quantity.”
How do you define style? How is it different from fashion?
Style is timeless and fashion is of the moment. Another way of putting it is: Style is your investment pieces and fashion is more like your trend pieces. There’s a great quote from Ralph Lauren that I love- he said, “Style is very personal. It has nothing to do with fashion. Fashion is over quickly. Style is forever.” Style is so personal and, to be honest, a bit exposed because it's your eye, your inner sense of aesthetics...and up for judgement. But one of the many beautiful things about aging is knowing who you are, what you like and where you want to go, and hopefully, giving many fewer f*ks along the way…to paraphrase you, Dina! So embrace your authentic style and have fun with it while not taking fashion so seriously.
There’s a great Iris Apfel quote where she says that the key to style is learning who you are. And while I’m no Iris Apfel, as I see it, being comfortable in one’s skin is a major component. What’s your take on the key to style?
I couldn’t agree more with Iris! She is a fashion icon for a reason. To her point, your style evolves and will continue to as you evolve. For me, the key to style is dressing for yourself and for the way you want to feel. What I mean by that is wear looks that you feel chic and fabulous in because you will radiate that confidence. And there’s nothing more stylish than a confident woman! Also keep in mind that just because something might technically look good on you, that doesn’t mean it feels like you. You need to feel like yourself when you get dressed.
How do you help a client define and/or refine her personal style?
I always recommend starting out with the Closet Edit package because it allows them to get rid of the things not serving them plus they can see what is really in their closet. This process really helps to identify what their style has been and we discuss how to utilize various pieces. Plus, I determine where I can push the envelope and assess what essentials will enhance their wardrobe. When refining and/or defining their style, I listen to really understand their lifestyle and goals. After that, it’s a mix of instinct and industry expertise.
I also offer a Closet Consult which is an hour introductory session where I go over tips regarding how to organize your closet including repurposing and purging, the essentials to own, and answer specific styling questions. The purging process can be win win- you can sell your clothes yourself on a site like Poshmark or consign locally or at any number of online resale sites. You can also donate to wonderful organizations like Uncommon Threads (which I know you are a part of through your involvement with #uncommoninfluence). [Interviewer note: please get in touch if you want more information on how to support this incredible organization!]
What about trying out different styles? Should we stick to our lane, so to speak, or do you recommend experimenting?
I highly support experimenting! Being open to new styles and venturing out of our sartorial comfort zone is the best way to discover new loves and closet staples. We are not one note and our closets shouldn’t be either. My recommendation is to start out small with a piece that will go with something else in your closet and then uplevel to the head-to-toe look if you want to take it further. Another tip I tell my clients is if they like an entire look they see in a store or online, buy the whole outfit if possible. The work is done for you!
Talk to me about trends- how do we know what to jump on and what to pass on? Do you agree with the idea that if we were alive the last time the trend came around, we should skip it this time?
I’ll refer back to what I said earlier…when you know what works for you, you will make fashion choices that honor that, so sure, go ahead and revisit a trend if it speaks to where you are today. A guideline I suggest is that color is for statement, not staples. Of course, there are alway exceptions. But along these lines, if you want to make a trend item last longer (as they do sometimes stick around), buy it in a classic color like black, navy, camel, cream or white.
Are there essential pieces that every woman should have in her wardrobe? What makes a piece essential?
There are definitely essentials that span different genres of style. What makes something an essential is its versatility in your wardrobe. This, of course, will vary a little depending on your style. However, my top 3 essentials are a black or white button-down shirt, a great pair of darker denim jeans and a black double-breasted blazer. The shirt can be worn on its own, layered, tucked in, belted as well as paired with everything from leggings with over-the-knee boots to a ballgown skirt. I love a slim, slightly cropped jean that ends just above the ankle because it pairs well with flats, heels, booties and boots, and I also love a wide-leg and/or trouser jean which happens to work on most body types. I prefer a double-breasted blazer because it offers more coverage and can be utilized as a jacket, easily draped over the shoulders, or worn alone as a top, which can be elegantly sexy.
We talked about making considered choices when shopping. What exactly do you mean by that, and how do you help your clients do it?
We live in a culture of overconsumption where we are led to believe that more is better. More is not better, more is overwhelming. I am definitely guilty of it. I forget about some of the pieces that I have in my closet! We tend to wear only 15% of what we own so when I am helping my clients, it’s really important to know what they already have. When shopping, ask yourself these questions:
Do I own something similar?
To reference Marie Kondo - does it truly bring me joy?
Will I be upset if I don’t buy it and it’s not available next week?
Will it work with something I already have and can I figure out how to style it?
Do I really want this item, or is something else bothering me? Am I just trying to soothe myself with a retail therapy moment?
Do I really like it or am I buying just because it’s on sale. Would I be equally excited about adding this item to my closet if it were full price?
The shopping dopamine rush is real! Asking yourself these questions gives you a moment to pause, breathe, and (hopefully) avoid impulse purchases. Taking a bit of a time out helps us to make better, more considered choices.
To take this full circle from my first question, if I had a dime for every woman I know who has a closet full of clothes but feels like she has nothing to wear, I would be writing this from my villa in Tuscany! What advice do you have to help overcome this issue?
Haha I’ll bring the bottle of wine over and join you! To go really deep here, sometimes when we were not able to have all the clothes, accessories, etc. that we wanted when we were younger, we have a hard time making the decision to part with what we do have as adults. Full disclosure - this is totally me. A couple suggestions:
Purge:
Ask what do you really want for yourself? How do you want to show up in the world? Are these items that work with the life you actually live? Are they supporting some future vision of your best life? Or are they serving as a memory of your past? Will you be wearing that at your new job, when you get a promotion, lose the weight, etc.? If these events aren’t on the horizon, you might want to let the items go, because most likely, you’ll ultimately want something new. Really drill down on whether these are things you are actually wearing with your current lifestyle.
Then ask, would this item serve someone else better? Can you help someone else or give joy by gifting, donating or selling it?
Organize:
Put the items that you wear the most in an accessible spot.
Treat your closet as a boutique- fold and hang your items to neatly create a beautiful space. You can color coordinate and categorize to make it easy to find exactly what you are looking for.
Archive:
Sentimental items should be stored properly or displayed if that is your style.
Anything that you are not ready to part with and want to save or reassess at another time should go into a box or some dedicated place where the items won’t take up precious closet real estate. Put a note in your calendar to revisit the items within a reasonable amount of time.
Tell us about your business. When we first spoke you were also styling clients, but you have evolved more into a closet curation service. What prompted the shift in focus?
Yes, I shifted my focus for two main reasons. First, I noticed that my clients were enjoying shopping for themselves after going through their closets taking notes on all of my styling tips. They became confident in their choices, which was incredibly rewarding to see...the student had become the teacher! Second, I realized that shopping on their behalf wasn't fostering empowerment, and I want them to take what they had learned and trust their own style choices. I advocate for quality over quantity and I do suggest specific wardrobe additions post-edit which also makes the shopping a bit easier. And many major department stores offer free shopping stylists if they feel like they need a little help when they go out with their post-edit list. (Interviewer note: NYC peeps, Nancy Quinn at Bloomingdales 59th Street is excellent!). At the end of the day, I have seen how this whole process positively impacts my clients' confidence, and it's always a thrill to see this growth!
On a personal note, I've experienced firsthand the transformative power of "letting go" and creating space for change. To embrace something new, we must release what no longer serves us. Starting with the closet is often a good first step towards personal evolution and can open the door to shedding baggage outside of the closet as well. As a practical matter, it also just provides more breathing room (especially in a square foot- challenged NYC closet!).
Finally, you have a podcast, The Fashionable Journey, and you are prepping for your 2nd season. Tell us more about it- what motivated you to start it and what’s it about?
Yes, I’m really excited about season two! It’s a behind the scenes look at working in the fashion industry. The idea came from my wishing that I had this information when I was at university and starting out in my career…and then, I was an industry expert at several design universities and noticed that a lot of student questions revolved around working in the fashion industry. Here they were honing their hard skills, but the soft skills and tips to navigate their entry and advancement in their careers didn’t seem to be a prioritized topic. My goal is to be an inspirational resource and provide helpful tips for those interested in working in fashion as well as those navigating their careers in the industry. I truly think that "seeing is believing", or in this case hearing is believing, to know what is possible. I interview former co-workers, friends and acquaintances with the hope that their stories and mine will be examples of how there are many opportunities; that there is no “one right way” or linear path to achieve success…that anything is possible. You can find the Fashionable Journey on Spotify and Apple Podcasts or on The Fashionable Journey website.
You can find Gwen here if you are interested in setting up a closet consult or hiring her for her closet edit service (and both can be done virtually).
I’m so grateful you are here! If you enjoyed reading please click the ❤️ to help others find this newsletter and our growing community!
I’m planning to do a Sunday Sage series maybe once a month where I’ll introduce you to women who will give us sage advice on all things midlife. Please let me know if there are any particular areas of sage wisdom/expertise you would like me to cover!
Dina xx
Love this piece, and getting to know Sage Gwen! Thanks so much for the killer content as ever!
Thanks for introducing us to Gwen. Always enjoy reading Q&A's with interesting women and the work they do.