Airplane Mode…
The gift of the forced slow-down. Plus mood salad links for some leisure reading and listening this weekend...
The cat is calm and asleep in her carrier under the seat (thank you Gabapentin!), my husband is watching Netflix on his phone, and I’m switched into airplane mode, both literally and figuratively. In the days leading up to this flight, I’ve been in overdrive getting ready to head back to New York City after several months away, so this is a welcome setting adjustment.
Lately I’ve been seeing a lot of essays and articles about taking a pause, being okay with where you are, burnout, and other ideas around unplugging, recharging and the like. I can totally relate, particularly as someone with introvert tendencies, sensitive to excessive stimuli and frequently in need of some quiet time. In fact, just writing something personal and putting it out into the universe can feel draining, even if I haven’t left my apartment in the time it took me to write it.
And I think all of these ruminations about taking a break are helpful- kind of like a reminder and a permission slip all in one. But it’s not always easy to do. There’s a song by one of my favorite bands, Lake Street Dive, called Being a Woman that starts “I wake up in the morning and I punch the clock, and people tell me, "take it easy" but they don't say to stop…Being a woman is a full-time job…” Stopping can feel hard. We all keep a lot of plates spinning in our day-to-day lives, and I think many of us worry that if we slow down, we’ll end up with a lot of broken shit. But the truth is that shit’s gonna break anyway if we don’t have the energy to keep spinning.
Here’s where airplane mode comes in handy. You basically have no choice. It’s a forced slow down. And when you’re in it, with a little planning, you still have everything you need. I have music and podcasts downloaded, and I’m pecking away on my laptop hoping I can cobble together an essay with nothing else to worry about for the next 2.5ish hours. For the moment, I’m essentially unplugged- no incoming messages, no way to send any, no news alerts, and no distractions (other than the little girl a couple of rows in front of me who keeps saying, “daddy, it doesn’t make any sense”- I feel you, sister!). In airplane mode I can find some quiet, and it makes me realize how many outside forces are vying for my attention every waking hour of the day.
Airplane mode feels like the equivalent of a ½ caf coffee- enough to keep you going but not so much as to cause heart palpitations. Able to work some if you choose, but without the ten thousand interruptions of a typical day. I suppose do not disturb is the on-ground version, and I should probably enable this feature more often. I used to feel that between work and having younger kids and older parents that I had to be reachable at all times- being off the grid was unthinkable then. It’s interesting, after my mom passed away a friend suggested it might be comforting to listen to voicemail messages from her- I searched and only found one, as I always dropped everything to take her calls. But now she’s gone, and the kids are about to be 27 and 30 and don’t have those little-kid issues that need to be solved in real time.
And that’s the thing about where I find myself at 55 years old- I am, in some ways, less needed. And while that can feel strange and existential crisis-inducing at first, once you come to terms with it, there is freedom. And more space. Space to take up and to use in new and different ways. And I want to use it well. I am still, in some ways, striving. Striving, but also okay with where I am most days, which may seem paradoxical. But like so much else in life, it’s a balancing act. As I see it we can’t evolve without some form of striving- not for perfection or for the next thing, but striving to understand ourselves and our relationship to others and to the world; persistently working to grow and to be the best humans we can be.
I think striving and airplane mode make excellent bedfellows. Here I am, essentially unplugged, yet moving forward at almost 600 mph. And I think it can be that way in life too. With the background noise reduced, we can hear things we couldn’t quite make out before. There is learning. The quiet helps us fill the reserves with our own kind of jet fuel, propelling us forward and on our way.
We’re about to land, the cat’s drugs are wearing off, and I have a call in 40 minutes. Reality beckons. But I’m grateful for the time-out, and the next time I complain about the (MANY) indignities of air travel, I’ll try to remember the gift of airplane mode.
Mood Salad Links
Speaking of cats, they are finally having their moment on the screen. Anyone else enthralled by Lucio in Ripley?? (via The Hollywood Reporter)
And speaking of flying, the Biden administration issued new rules this week requiring carriers to issue automatic cash refunds when flights are canceled or significantly delayed or when baggage return is less than timely. (via Forbes)
Also related to today’s essay, here’s a piece on how to meditate in our chronically distracted world. You’ll be happy to know that failure is actually success, and there’s no such thing as being bad or good at meditation. (via NYT gift link)
Last week I wrote about opting-in to Mother’s Day, which can be hard to do when you are still grieving, so I wanted to include this list of books on navigating grief from the NYT, and would add The Beauty of What Remains by Rabbi Steve Leder to the list. (via NYT gift link)
Writer Katie Roiphe reflects on the craziness and brilliance of getting her aging mom a puppy: “When we get old, the human world often turns away, but a dog is steadfast.” (via WSJ)
QVC launches “The Age of Possibility,” a marketing and programming campaign highlighting women over 50 who are making an impact and showing by example that the third act can be the best yet. (via Variety)
Watch to Lake Street Dive perform the above-referenced song Being a Woman. I love everything this group puts out- incredibly beautiful original music and some fantastic covers too!
Loved this episode of Wiser Than Me with Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Ina Garten where we learn, among many other interesting things, that even the Barefoot Contessa gets nervous when preparing for a dinner party!
So grateful to have you here! Your ❤️’s and comments mean the world to me- I love hearing from you. And if you know anyone who would enjoy, please share! Wishing all a wonderful weekend!
Dina xx
We are so in sync — I’m putting the finishing touches on my next newsletter about #secondacts (which I teased in notes recently) and striving (or in this case not doing so) plays a role thanks to wisdom from Lyn Slater.
A great read as always. I can relate to all of it and always appreciate the recommendations. I look forward to your essays always!