Do the Thing...
On fear and showing up when you want, even when it's a little messy. Plus, mood salad links.
Hello dear readers! I am a bit behind here as I face a looming deadline for an exciting project that is consuming most of my waking thoughts and energy at the moment, and I haven’t had the time to sit and write a pretty, polished essay. On top of that, our beloved little 14-year-old kitty has had some health issues over the past 1.5 weeks, requiring a minor surgical procedure, and if you’ve ever 1- transported a cat to the vet (multiple times in a week), 2- attempted to give a cat medicine, and/or 3- watched helplessly as a little creature suffers, you’ll understand how that has drained whatever was left in my tank.
But I miss this space and interacting with this growing community when I’m gone for a minute, and I realize that I need to practice more of what I preach when I talk about all that we gain as we get older. Here I am, writing about the wisdom and confidence that comes with age, the beauty of really knowing who you are, the freedom that comes when you stop worrying so much about what people think, and the letting go of the illusion of perfectionism, among other things. So why do I sometimes find myself letting the perfect be the enemy of the good when it comes to hitting the “send to everyone now” button? Why am worried about a bit of writing here and there that might be a little less shiny, and well, a little more of the day-to-day me? The me that cleans up pretty good but often wears the same comfy lounge pants, black v-neck sweater or denim shirt and baseball cap for days in a row. The me who some days writes in her robe, time passing so quickly that I’ve forgotten to take my vitamins, eat lunch, etc.
You should know the messy me too, the one who’s texts are riddled with typos and the one who would be lost without spell check. I don’t always have time to think/research/write/edit in the thorough way I like to, but I don’t want that to keep me from showing up and connecting.
This space has been unfolding nicely over the past year as I find my footing and get okay with the idea of really opening up, but lately I’ve been feeling a little stuck. Like I want to keep moving forward, but the terrain is a little muddy (there’s that messy again).
Perhaps what’s going on here is some (not so) good, old fashioned fear. And what I think I’m coming to realize is that even when you face it and do the scary thing anyway (launching here in the first place), it can still rear its ugly head.
As a midlife re-inventor, I am not a career writer, so hopping onto a platform filled with them felt a little daunting at first, and sometimes still does. Mostly, I haven’t let that stop me. But if I’m being completely honest, sometimes it does. Because if I don’t have a “product” I think is just right, I hold back. And I’m kind of figuring this out in real time as I sit here and write. I don’t come with the built-in credibility of someone with decades of bylines and published books (at least not yet), and I guess I worry that if I put out something less than the “just right” standard I’ve set for myself, then I’ll be found out. Ha, she’s not a real writer, they’ll think. But who the hell are they, and why should I let this imaginary contingent keep me from doing what I do?
Even though my rational mind knows better, my emotional self sometimes falls for the psychic scam. We are working on her gullibility.
All this to say that I’m nothing if not a work in progress. We are all works in progress. As humbling as it can be to start something new or change direction in midlife, it can also lead to growth and expansion beyond your wildest imagination. My life has changed immeasurably since I started the Patina platform back in 2020; it may not have gone exactly how I had planned, but the learning, the friendships, the opportunities and the personal growth- it’s all pretty incredible. There’s a quote out there that goes something like “we can’t become who we are meant to be by remaining who we are”, and I could not agree more. Do the thing! Don’t let the imaginary contingent stop you.
Also, I apologize in advance for any misplaced commas, dangling participles, or run-on sentences when I don’t have the time to get it just right. Ultimately, if I’m inspired to write something that I think will also inspire (or entertain, or delight) you, I’m not going to let them hold me back…
Mood Salad Links
A little bit of nostalgia, a little bit of a head scratcher- 20 year olds are listening to cassette tapes… via NYT gift link
You probably already know this, but Gen X women will not take no for an answer, menopause edition.
A podcast I’m looking forward to, My So-Called Midlife, with Reshma Saujani.
via Marie Claire
In our consumerism-gone-awry world, loved this discussion of underconsumption. via The Good Trade
Libido not in sync with your partner? There’s a name for that- the Bedroom Gap. via Oprah Daily
Memoir is one of my favorite genres, and I’m adding several of these to my list. via NYT gift link
I mean it when I say I love this growing community- welcome to our new subscribers, and thank you all so much for spending some of your precious time here with me. I love hearing from you, so don’t be shy- I welcome your comments and feedback, and if there’s anything you’d like me to cover or explore here, please let me know. And please hit the ❤️ if you like what you see to help others find us here. Have a wonderful weekend…
Dina xx
You are very much a “real” writer and I love being here for your thoughtful essays and honest voice. Here’s to enjoying the ride and writing our hearts out -xx
This was a great read Dina! Thank you for sharing that fear sometimes can sneak in even when we thought we uninvited it to the party. “Real writer” or not, I thoroughly enjoy what you put to (the theoretical) paper.