When Your Desire to Create is > Your Fear of Failure
Great things happen! Announcing my forthcoming book, Midlife Private Parts!
Before I dive in, this week marked my first year on Substack, and I wanted to take a moment to say how much it means to me that you are here! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your support- I love this space, and the energy you all bring with your thoughtful engagement. I look forward to more as we go and grow! My launch date, 1/21, was chosen very intentionally, as it was my mom’s birthday. Her spirit is here, in every word I write, and in the generosity of this community. Her enduring love is the gift that keeps on giving, and I feel driven to use the space she left me to create meaningful things, which brings me to below…
Some of the most important things I’ve learned in life have come through failure. An early failed marriage taught me I was as strong and independent as my mother always claimed, and that good on paper does not necessarily translate to good in real life. Similarly, making an early vocational error in the form of a law degree taught me that life doesn’t move in a straight line, that there is no “right path,” and that when your mind and body are aligned and screaming at you daily, it’s time to rethink your choices. And when my first entrepreneurial partnership failed, confirming my early doubts about entering it in the first place, I learned not to question my gut.
Still, I have let fear of failure, along with its faithful companion, fear of what people may think, hold me back in my earlier life. As a younger woman I wanted to be perceived as someone who had it all together. Together people don’t fail, or so I thought. I wasn’t at all comfortable showing my vulnerability outside of those closest to me, and I sometimes ran myself ragged trying to make sure that everything appeared, well, perfect.
But perfection is a losing game, and it took me some time to figure this out. I have written before about the ways age has made me better, and letting go of the need for perfection, along with the fear of what people think, has been among the most liberating, game-changing aspects of getting older.
Now, whenever I feel that fear creeping in, and believe me it still finds a way, I always ask myself, what’s the worst thing that could happen?
It’s the question I asked myself when I showed up to a dinner in NYC in 2021 with women I didn’t know other than through social media, and it’s the question I asked myself when one of those women,
who quickly became a close friend, asked me what I thought about writing a book together.We were both so happy to be in a time and space where menopause was finally coming out of the shadows, but there was so much else to our lives, so much more substance, and so many other stories to tell. There was an opportunity here to chip away at outdated narratives, and to help women feel connected at a time in life when so much is changing.
I decided that the worst thing that could happen was not trying to figure out how to collect these stories and put them out into the world.
We got to work in earnest, and though neither of us had written a book before, what we lacked in knowledge, we made up for in enthusiasm, passion and determination. Oh, and all of that hard-won wisdom we had gained along the way to our 50s.
As we connected and pitched, we met the most incredible, generous women, and something really special started to unfold. We initially intended a small, self published anthology, but each new conversation about the project fueled us, and pushed us to see the potential of reaching women far and wide. Soon we were speaking with literary agents, and ultimately, we found one who believed in us and in the importance of telling women’s stories. We were actually doing this!
Enter, Midlife Private Parts: Revealing Essays that Will Change the Way You Think About Age (June 24, 2025, Regalo Press).
There’s been so much joy in putting this book together, from our own deepening friendship, to the friendships and connections formed with our amazing contributors, to the knowledge that these very real stories will help women everywhere feel seen, heard and understood.
And if that wasn’t enough, we were completely blown away this week when the extraordinary
chose Midlife Private Parts as one of her Most Anticipated Books of 2025. Making that honor even more special was the fact that the list was published on my beautiful mama’s birthday.
Which brings me full circle to the idea of creating, even in the face of fear. I am not fearless. I will never be fearless. But I think we can learn to coexist with our fear, and push past it knowing that the worst thing that could happen when it comes to stifling our creativity is, well, stifling our creativity. And robbing ourselves, and/or the world, of something that might be really important. Or funny. Or meaningful. Or joyful. Or just plain satisfying.
As I worked on this book, I was driven by the idea of using the space my mom left open when she passed to create something special. She never let age hold her back, she continued to learn and to do and to go, up until the end. Her desire to create was always greater than her fear of failure. She was always learning and creating- she would take on the most ambitious jewelry design projects, and if things didn’t go as planned, she’d take them apart and start all over again. She embodied all of the richness and resilience you will see and feel in the pages of Midlife Private Parts, fear be damned…
I’ll keep you posted as we move toward our launch date of June 24th, and if you are okay with delaying gratification, you can preorder now! I’m excited to take you all on this ride!
Dina xx
How exciting, I can't wait to get a copy. Congratulations!
It has been such a gift to connect with you both, and truly an honor to have had the opportunity to contribute to what I am certain will be a rich and interesting read. Wow. You did it! xx